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I watched Star Trek for the first time in ages and I now have an astonishing urge to make a LOLBorg picture that says

"I made you a cookie, but I assimileated it."

in true LOLcat style.

Meh.  Maybe later.

Locutus out.

From "Ways to tell you're Catholic":

"When you're watching Star Wars and anyone says 'May the Force be with you', you get a strong urge to say 'And also with you'".

So true, EVERY DARN TIME I think someone's going to say that!

"You've let an 'Amen' slip out after the Pledge of Allegiance"

I've done this.  Heck,once in grade school I blessed myself by accident after the Pledge.  I got sent to the office for that one.

Today, my sister came to pick me up from work.  And her car wouldn't start in the parking lot.  And so my manager and every employee in the place came out and started looking under the hood and getting out jumper cables and trying to jump the battery off my neighbor's car and it would not start.

And then some boys I knew in high school and also a few random car buffs came over to see what was going on, and give conflicting advice, and check out my engine set-up, and my poor manager Sean almost electrocuted himself trying to attach the jumper cables to my battery, and then we couldn't get ahold of my mother because she never answers her cell phone.

We ended up leaving the car in the parking lot in Sean's care and hitching a ride home with the aforementioned neighbor, who is really and truly a lovely person.

It is still there.

Today, I read in the paper that when the Chamber of Secrets movie first came out, Russia was all up-in-arms because they thought Dobby was a cruel likeness of Vladimir Putin.  At first I thought, "Ridiculous!"

But, to be completely fair,

I can see the resemblance. 

Upon a second re-read of Deathly Hallows-

"People may be forced to conclude that Grindelwald simply conjured a white handkerchief and came quietly"

But WHY would one conclude that when he and Dumbledore were spending so much time shut up together, after all?  Ah, double entendres.

Also, speaking of sexual innuendos and double entendres in Harry Potter, I really can't handle Snape in the Occlumency scene in OotP movie.  "Attempt to penetrate and you will attempt to resist"?  "Exquisite"?  "Begging"?  And Harry being all "But Professor, we've been at it all night," and we know it's canon that Harry ends up on his knees (otherwise known as The Best Book Moment Ever, After Mrs. Weasley's Line).  Snerk.  Oh Snape.  If you can't have Lily, at least you can pretend.


So Friday, I worked until 4, and took at two hour nap, and at night night, I went to Borders, and I picked up the book, and I read it until 7 am, at which point I had three Red Bulls in me but I still really really needed to sleep as I had to work at ten.

So I slept till 930, went to work till six (but I read Harry on my break), came home, finished it, went directly to bed (do not pass go, do not collect $200), woke up at 8, went to church, came home and slept, and this is really my first chance to write about it.

Deathly Hallows spoilers are most certainly imminent somehow.  El internetski is crawling with them, a few newspapers have run major ones with no warning whatsoever, and even if I avoid these there's always another way (Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, anyone?) to be spoiled.

So, as of tonight and up until I have finished Deathly Hallows, there will be

1.  No more internet

2. No live TV, including the news and any sports competitions

3.  No newspaper reading.

I'd be safest just going to live in a cave in the wilderness for two days but we all know that's not feasible. I feel like spoilers are the Katamari and I'm the chicken it rolls over and picks up, or something. Ok, that was a pretty bad analogy, but you know what I mean.  I'm so scared that I'm going to go pick up the book at Borders at midnight and some asshole is going to riffle to the end and scream the ending right there in the store.  Or maybe I won't finish it before I have to go to work on Saturday and someone will spoil it there. 

When HBP came out and there was all that SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE ITS TRUE PAGE 606 wank, I had finished the book before 9 am the next day and was on the internet AOL-chatting with a friend when a chatbot popped up bearing that very spoiler.  Thank God I already knew. 

So I can see I'm going to have to be very diligent about avoiding spoilers until I've finished the book.


There is a show on right now called "Scott Baio is 45-and Single".  Clearly, humanity has hit a new low, because, really, who the hell cares if Chachi isn't married yet?  Isn't he allowed to remain single?

Oh, xkcd.  You never fail to be hilarious.  I love this webcomic.

 Robert Heinlein once said, through his mouthpiece Valentine Micheal Smith, that people laugh because it hurts too much not to.  I laugh at this because it is utterly true, and no one really looks at things this way.

Also, today I realized that Hilary Clinton looks almost exactly like Christopher Walken in lipstick.

If I  had a time-jumping Delorean, I would NOT go to my parents' time, screw the space-time continuum, jump to the distant future and screw the continuum again, try to make everything right in my own time, then go back to the Old West to visit my Scottish ancestors (but I have to admit I would maybe marry Doc Brown somewhere along the way).

Similarly, if I had a steampunk circa 1890s time machine, I would NOT head over a million years into the future of the Earth, observe the utopian societies and dark secrets of the degenerate human race, make friends with a young girl then have her killed and eaten, then watch the end of the world while being chased by giant green crab-like creatures.

If the Doctor was to show up in his police box, I would NOT attempt to mess with his determined asexuality, fight  Daleks and various other evil-type robots, or solve history-mysteries one at a time.

If I was to accidentally find a strange-looking portal on an abandoned planet, I would NOT send my mentally-disturbed ship's doctor through it then chase him down and attempt to prevent World War II by killing a very pretty, politically savvy woman at the well-informed decision of my painfully logical second-in-command.

This is where Marty McFly, the Time Traveller, Rose Tyler, and Captain Kirk differ from me.

I would use any and all of these methods to JUST MAKE IT BE BLOODY FRIDAY.  I am going MAD waiting for the new Potter book, I must say.

I need to stop thinking about Harry Potter, which means the book needs to come out.  And soon.

Also Harry Potter related, I was reading an editorial about it in the Post Gazette and it was all well and good until the columnist called Harry's mother "Lucy".  Way to lose every bit of your credibility, lady.  Good job.

There is this man that works in the radiology labs in the clinic near Taco Bell, and he always comes in for tacos on his lunch break.  This is significant because he looks just like Hannibal Lector.  The scrubs don't really help matters.  I should think he likes his tacos with fava beans and a nice Chianti, but he usually accompanies them with cinnamon twists and a Baja Blast Mountain Dew (and I always feel such a fool saying "Baja Blast" but whatever, it comes with the territory). 

In addition to my taco-jockey hijinks, we had a lady come through the drive-through today and pay with credit card.  I looked at the signature on the slip and it turns out that her name was Claire Pace.  Needless to say I laughed for about half an hour, because, really.  She had a little boy in the car and I was so tempted to ask if his name was Aaron, but she probably would not get the joke.

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